How do other women get through it? It is quite frankly horrific!
I had my third implant on 5th January 2018 and I am not sure how my symptoms can get any worse. I had an emotional breakdown while I was with the nurse, her name is Pat and she is a wonderful lady. Pat didn’t seem shocked as she probably sees it everyday! She informed me that I will probably experience worse symptoms again. Great news!
Sleeping is a nightmare as I wake up at least once but sometimes twice an hour having a hot flush. And when I say hot flush, it feels like my skin is on fire and I physically drip sweat from my forehead and chest. Sexy huh! Finally something that my mum can entirely relate to….she has been struggling with her sleep for a few years too, due to the menopause. I speak to my mum everyday and she always has a way of making me feel better! We laugh and joke about how many times we were up in the night and share many hot moments together!!! Luckily I have not yet adopted her coping strategy of midnight television shopping and buying random shit off QVC!!! The advertising companies certainly know their target market at that hour of that day!!! Her house is full of random gadgets she buys in the middle of the night and it has become somewhat of a family joke!!!!
My mum has been kind enough to lend me her ‘Maggie’. Maggie is our nickname for the magnet that sits against the uterine area in your knickers (basically just below your knicker line, against your skin). It is designed to improve energy levels, reduce hot flushes, improve skin tone, improve mood and sleep. I am not sure if it is working for me, but I am too scared not to wear it in case my symptoms get worse!!! My sister and I always used to joke with mum when she was having a menopausal moment and tell her “to put maggie in her pants”!!! The only downside to the magnet is that it is very strong and makes me stick to anything metal!!! I am often seen pulling my crotch area off cupboard handles at home and work!!!!! My mother-in-law (I refer to her as MIL!!!) also uses a Maggie, so we are all in this together.
My poor husband…..I am not sure how he is managing to get through his days at work as I disturb his sleep too. He even had to sleep on the sofa twice recently as I couldn’t bear to have him in bed with me and he is like a hot water bottle making me unbearably hot!!! I also had a night on the sofa…..just in case you thought I was being mean!!
I have turned the heating off in our bedroom and sleep with the windows wide open. The temperature is usually around 15-17 degrees (depending on the temperature outside), which is bloody freezing for inside and I still wake up feeling hot!!! Sometimes there has been actual ice on the inside of the open windows!!!! The worst part is that between hot flushes I feel a normal temperature so when it is cold outside I layer up, as I still feel the cold. The only issue is then ripping all the layers off quickly when the flush comes!
My work colleagues are also suffering as I open the windows at work and let in all the freezing cold air, especially when I work nights as I get more hot moments overnight. They have been very supportive of my situation and provide me with a listening ear when I want to rant and rage, never judging me or telling me to stop moaning. My patients must think I am mad when they see me using my hand fan in the room with them in the middle of winter. I am sure they must wonder what on earth I am doing. Leaning over birthing pools that are full of hot water makes me super hot!
My mood continues to be erratic. I seem to fluctuate in mood very quickly….I am like a walking emoji!!! 🙂 🙁 One minute I am happy and the next I am crying for no apparent reason. I sometimes feel aggressive and like I want to have a toddler strop on the floor. I get irritated and feel emotionally drained from experiencing so many different emotions in a short space of time. I am exhausted due to broken sleep, but I cannot sleep because I am hot! I generally feel quite down about myself. I haven’t been working out much in the last month and that probably has not helped my mood, as I always feel better after a workout. I am going to try and get back on track with my gym routine and nutrition to make myself feel better. Again, poor Chris, he is living on a knife edge never knowing which Shelly he will be greeted with everyday! I write this post at 2:30am…..I am not sure if I can’t sleep as I’ve just finished a run of night shifts or because I am now suffering with insomnia too? Or it could be that I am excited to continue writing the blog posts!
I am dreading going through menopause in later life as it can last for years…..although my nurse tells me that my symptoms are a lot worse due to being medically induced, which brings hope for the future that it might not be this bad. I put my hands up to all the women out there who have had to deal with periods their whole life, childbirth and then the menopause. Why can’t the men endure any of these pleasures of nature? It always seems to be the women who suffer.
Looking for a positive…….is there one?…….The only thing I can think of is that I am having so many symptoms of the menopause that the implant must be working so I am hopeful that it will help to calm down the endometriosis and hopefully be easier to remove. I cannot think of any other positives though…..not doing well on my new positive outlook on life, but the menopause totally sucks!!! This is just another process I have to go through in my life journey to help me get to the end goal. Another positive is that I am going through this in the middle of winter so am able to run outside into the cold air during a hot moment. I am not sure how I would have coped with this in the summer.
No amount of nutella on toast could help to fix this problem…..this is always my go to after a hectic shift at work. I often call Chris on my way home and tell him it has been a nutella on toast shift!!! I have had to keep it out of the house otherwise I would have been eating it everyday given the way I have been feeling.
I must stay strong and “take each day at a time”, which is the advice from Pat (my Zoladex nurse). She is an amazing lady and makes me feel normal when I see her and tell her how I am feeling. She said it is important not to set too many goals for the short term and ‘get through every day as best as I can’. I hope it will be worth it in the end and I apologize to all my loved ones who I have snapped at, cried on or made to feel cold recently!!! I am grateful that I get to see Pat every 4 weeks as she always makes me feel better and provides me with some continuity. Pat always gives me her listening ear, even when I sit and cry my way through our appointment!
Keeping busy and planning nice things to do is helping to keep my mind occupied. Although I openly discuss my situation with anyone who wants to hear it, I do tend to put on an external front that I am ok, but suffer inside. This process has helped me to discuss my emotions and allow myself to cry if I want to, which I guess I thought might be perceived as a weakness.
Sincerely, Shelly x
Some positive quotes to boost self confidence:
A strong woman looks a challenge dead in the eye and gives it a wink
Stay strong, make them wonder how you are still smiling
A successful woman is one who can build a firm foundation with the bricks others have thrown at her
Nothing is impossible, the word itself says I’m possible
There is no force more powerful than a woman determined to rise
Everybody has a chapter they don’t read aloud
Shout out to all of us fighting a battle that most people don’t understand
Everything comes to you at the right moment….be patient
You never know how strong you are until strong is the only choice you have
Even miracles take a little time
Sometimes it’s hard to see the rainbow when there has been endless days of rain
Difficult roads often lead to beautiful destinations