It’s the 8th of January 2018 and I am walking with my head held high into a brand new year, full of positivity. I have been busy writing up blog content from the previous few months. I am excited to share my thoughts and feelings with you all, but feeling scared and apprehensive at the same time. I feel vulnerable and that is not an emotion I have felt much before the past year. Although sharing our journey seems like an easy thing to do….it definitely is not. I am not writing to offend others or make people feel sorry for me, I just want to help other women going through a similar situation and allow people to feel like they are not alone. It is also a way for me to let out my emotions. Everyone’s story is different and people deal with things in different ways.
I am taking on my new positive life head on…..I have started my sentence a day book from the 1st of January and have my positive affirmation cards up in the kitchen so I can see them everyday. I am looking forward to getting back into my routine of working out and eating healthy!!!! My body needs it! Food is a comfort for me and I tend to eat when I’m sad!!!! Hence I am a currently a chubby version of my usual self. I usually fluctuate in weight, and yes I know this is bad for your body, but I am feeling rather fat right now!!! I have massively let myself go with everything that has been going on and need to sort my shit out! Luckily my husband runs a fitness business so I have everything I need around me to improve my health. No excuses!!!
We are looking forward to a family holiday at the end of January to celebrate my dads 70th birthday in Mauritius (We call him Big Daddy or BD for short!!!). I am looking forward to some down time and a chance to fully relax on a beach with some of my favourite people. I can’t wait to be able to wallow in the sea during my hot flushes. Chris absolutely loves golf and will get the chance to play most days on an amazing course while we are away. I think playing golf and going to the range regularly, has been a way for him to escape from mrs moody at home and help him deal with his own emotions too.
My next surgery date has been set for 26th February and as the date creeps closer it brings me mixed feelings. I am hoping that it will be successful but also dreading the fact that it may not be. I do not want to be negative but I do wish to remain realistic and keep in the back of my mind that there is a possibility it could be bad news again. I am trying to remain positive and hope for the best. I know I am in safe hands under the care of my consultant. I am looking forward to finishing the menopause and getting back to my normal self, without raging hormones! But it seems that the symptoms of menopause can take many weeks to get out of the system after the last implant. Which means I am likely to continue to feel hot for a while!!!
We are hoping 2018 brings us everything we wish for, a new house and the opportunity to try and get pregnant, either naturally or by IVF. We are ready to deal with any new challenges that life throws at us. The one good thing that has come out of all the shit we have been through is that it has made us stronger as a couple. Chris has been so supportive and an emotional rock for me. We tend to take things out on the people we love the most, and I am aware I have been difficult to live with at times! Sorry Chris!! Having an understanding partner is really helpful when going through fertility issues. It is never good to bottle up your emotions and it is good to talk to people and let it all out.
Some days are very hard, as it does feel like I am the one who has to go through the surgery, menopause and pain, not Chris. Sometimes it does not feel like we are ‘in it together’, as there is nothing wrong with him. It’s all me, I am the issue. And that is a massive weight on my shoulders and does get me down. When I have those feeling I just have to remind myself that I have an amazing husband and we are in this together. I know he doesn’t blame me.
Sincerely, Shelly x