Sorry guys I realise I have not posted for a while…..I have been waiting for something interesting to write about!!! Who would have thought that you could look forward to having a period? The thing that I have literally dreaded for over three years, became something I was wishing to happen. Guess what…….it happened! I am no longer in the menopause and it feels amazing!!! I am back to being me again.
The last few weeks I have been enjoying being back at work, moving from my beloved birth centre back to the labour ward. This was not a decision I made or was looking forward to, but it has been really nice to be back to normal and work with my wonderful colleagues, who are all extremely supportive of me. I miss the birth centre but equally I have enjoyed challenging myself looking after high risk women again on the labour ward. Change is not always a bad thing. I even managed to sit in the sun on my lunch break the other day to enjoy some of the warm air!
My menopause symptoms have decreased rapidly, much sooner that I thought they would….just in time for the hot weather! I have not had a hot flush or used my fan for a few weeks now and I am feeling back to my normal self again. I am still in the habit of taking my fan out with me, just in case I need it! I have used it a few times in the hot weather but that was just because it was 25 degrees! I feel super happy and am able to feel like a normal 30 year old! Despite the fact that I know I still have a long way to go…. knowing I am no longer in the menopause has been a huge positive step forward for me. Every day I have felt more normal (well as normal as I can be), even my friends and family can see the change in me. Chris tells me how nice it is to see me smiling again….and I know I am less of a moody cow to live with!
I am never one to shy away from details, and I promised to be open and honest with you, so here goes…..
I have never been so happy to have vaginal discharge in all my life. I once thought of this as a pointless inconvenience, but now I am grateful it is back. No one wants a dry vagina!!! Such a small thing has made me feel like a normal 30 year old woman again. I feel like my body is working properly (ok so we all know my body isn’t actually working properly due to my endo…..but it makes me feel better anyway!!!).
I have been suffering with horrendous pain in my bum since my surgery…..I naturally blamed the endo, when it turns out I had two anal fissures, causing me absolute agony when passing a stool. Excruciating pain that left me unable to sit on my bottom for long periods of time and bright red blood dripping out of me! Treatment of cream and suppositories from the GP has left me feeling great. I can finally poo pain free! The GP suggested it was from the piccolax……which is not ideal as I have to endure that experience all over again soon! At least I will know what to look out for next time and will start treatment sooner instead of ignoring the problem.
Sleep……oh my god I can sleep! My hot flushes were always worse at night and now I am not getting any! Sleeping though the night has had a massive positive impact on my emotions. Waking up every hour was an actual nightmare but now that doesn’t happen. I wake up in the morning feeling refreshed again, instead of shattered. I think this has also had a positive impact on Chris too, as I do not disturb him every hour during the night. Even sleeping after a nightshift is improving, I am able to get 5-6 hours instead of going back to work after 3-4 hours of broken sleep and feeling like a zombie!
The period…..so I was in the middle of a busy few nights when I felt things happening in my uterus. I kept telling Chris I felt it coming, but I was convinced it couldn’t have been so soon and my mind was playing tricks on me. Last Saturday night, at about 2am it happened…..I was so happy I actually got tears in my eyes. Sounds stupid right…..but it was a big deal for me. I came out of the loo and announced it to all my colleagues on the labour ward!!!! At last, the one thing I had dreaded for over 3 years had finally made me happy….how ironic! It was a pretty epic period, pain and bright red blood which is unusual for me. But I cannot explain the joy of having a period and knowing the torture of the menopause is officially over.
Intercourse (sorry Big Daddy!!!)…. If I call it intercouse it doesn’t sound as rude as sex!!!! Feeling back to normal and resuming a very important part of our relationship. The last 6 months have been hell and with everything going on this has not been something I have been interested in doing! Mainly due to the menopause, low mood, feeling shit and two lots of surgery with pain and recovery times. But I am pleased to report we are back to normal…..enough details about that!
Don’t get me wrong…..it isn’t all sweethearts and rainbows.
I still get the odd shitty day where it all seems too much and I have a mini breakdown for a few hours. But the good days now vastly outweigh the bad days. I think I am dealing with the situation well, but every so often something triggers me to take a step backwards and feel rubbish again. This usually results in me crying for hours and feeing sorry for myself! I am trying to be positive about the future but also realistic. I have decided that “it is what it is” and there isn’t much I can do about it right now, so am trying to enjoy life again for a while, until we have to face the next challenge.
I am still waiting to hear about my next surgery date, which is likely to be July. But for now I am living my life again, as best as I can. Spending time with friends and family and doing things I enjoy. We went up to London to watch our best friend run the marathon yesterday and it was the most amazing day. Ben Price you are a hero and if you can run 26 miles in 24 degree heat, then I can get through my hurdles in life too. I felt very emotional watching all the runners, who all had their own stories. We couldn’t be prouder of our friend Benji, for what he put himself through to help others, running for 4hrs and 34 minutes!!!!! What a absoloute legend!
I have been trying to surround myself with positivity and have been enjoying listening to podcasts and reading books to help influence me on this bumpy part of my life journey. I have particularly been loving Fearne Cottons podcast ‘Happy Place’.
I am finally pleased I am able to give you all some good news! I will be updating you about an amazing lady who has come back into my life….. the wonderful Holly! She is doing some very interesting things to try and help me in our fertility struggle!!! Watch out for updates soon.
Sincerely, Shelly x