I have received so many wonderful messages from friends/family and other endo suffers, wishing me luck yesterday and wanting to know how it went. I have decided to write a very quick post to explain what happened. I wish I was able to tell you all good news but unfortunately the surgery did not go as we had hoped. In fact, it is the worst possible outcome right now.
We left for the hospital in the snow, which was an amazing start to the day! I went into surgery feeling positive and confident that it would work out and that everything would be ok, but it is with a deep heart that I have to tell you all this is not the case.
I only had a very quick chat with my consultant post surgery while I was in recovery (I had just woken up and was feeling very groggy!!!). He informed me that the endometriosis is no better than it was before the Zoladex, in fact there is now an endometrioma on my left ovary too. He said my left tube that was very inflamed at my last surgery, looked a little better, but that was the only piece of good news. My bowel and bladder are completely stuck to my uterus and the other organs in my pelvis continue to stick to things they shouldn’t, like my appendix and ovaries. He did not even attempt to try and sort out the adhesions/endometriosis as it was too bad and outside of his skills remit. The endometriosis specialist at the hospital also attended the surgery for support but it was even too bad for him to try to fix. It seems the Zoladex did not work for me and the inside of my pelvis is still a complete state.
My consultant is planning to refer to me to another consultant who specialises in endometriosis and performs much more invasive surgery. I work with him at St Peters and he is indeed a very talented man. I have an appointment with him next week in his private clinic to discuss what happens next. I will definitely require much more invasive surgery to try and un-stick my bowel/bladder, but this comes with massive risks of perforation of my organs, which could result in a catheter or stoma bag while the damage heals. I am aware that I stand zero chances of getting pregnant or having IVF without this surgery so I know it has to be done.
I will update you all further after I have seen him next week, but for now I am going to try and recover as quickly as I can and get myself ready for the next step of our journey. Of course I am heartbroken once again. I feel like I have been though so much already and suffered the horrendous symptoms of menopause for no good reason. I may have to have more Zoladex prior to the next surgery but will wait for my new consultant to confirm this before I get too stressed about the prospect of having more. I am not sure if I can cope with my menopause symptoms getting any worse 🙁
My Zoladex nurse came to see me when I got back to the ward, and it was lovely to see a familiar face when I was in such a state from the bad news. Thank you for everything Pat, you have been such an amazing support for me through the menopause and while injecting me with the biggest needed I have ever seen, causing me minimal pain. You are one amazing lady.
This is as much information as I currently have, I wish I had all the answers and could make myself better…..but I can’t.
Thank you everyone for your on-going support, I couldn’t get through all this without you. And a massive thank you to my consultant who has been so amazing with myself & Chris up to this point in our fertility journey. Sorry if I don’t get round to personally replying to everyone…. I am trying to get my head round everything I don’t really feel like talking to people at the moment. I hope you understand. Although I have been very open about everything so far, I am feeling really low and just want to deal with this in my own way right now…..which means hibernating and nutella!!!
I will update you all on my wonderful picolax experience next week at some point….it was a very interesting day and will hopefully bring back some comedy to my posts!!!! (Picolax is bowel prep before surgery, which basically means chronic laxatives).
We still have a very long road ahead…..it seems to be getting longer and longer. I hope one day that Chris & I will be able to look back on all this drama and know it was worth while. But is feels like our dreams of becoming parents are slowly slipping away from us. It is so difficult to remain positive when nothing seems to be going well. I am at a loss for words. One day we will get good news.
Sincerely, Shelly x