Fertility Journey, Menopause, Zoladex

10) Living With Shelly On Zoladex: By Chris Wright

Its 2 degrees… it’s freezing… we’re driving, en route to go and look at a house, and Shelly has her window open, like ALL the way down, jumper off, going a bright red and she tells me she is sweating… I can’t see the sweat yet, but I believe it.

The freezing air is flooding the car… I’m in the worlds thickest jacket, got my scarf on and I’m shivering. I am freezing.

I look at her, and say… that blog post you want me to write… this moment sums it up. Let’s take a picture… she refused. We started laughing, for like 20 seconds, then she went to anger and told me to stop taking the piss…. I wasn’t, I promise. But I had apparently gone from comedian to worlds worst husband in like 20 seconds.

That pretty much sums up Shelly since she has been having these zoladex injections.

For those that don’t know me, I’m Chris, Shelly’s husband. Shelly has asked me to write some posts to share my side of the journey on her blog. And I thought I would start with right now, living with Shelly on zoladex.

Shelly thinks I can give the husbands view and help others who are on this journey.

I am not sure it will help anyone, I am certainly not someone to give advice on this topic… In fact, I should be seeking advice. But it may at least give other people the sense that they aren’t the only ones going through it.

So, living with Shelly on zoladex, let’s continue…

The effects of zoladex compound, so the more injections you have the worse the symptoms get. Which SUCKS!

And after the first one, the symptoms started almost immediately… and in my head I was like…. Oh shit! If this is the first one, how is she going to be after 4? I obviously didn’t say that to her, but it definitely ran through my mind.

To be fair to Shelly, I think she has got better and better at dealing with the symptoms. She is incredibly strong and I certainly think that other things in life that used to bother her, won’t even be on the radar anymore.

What effects of the zoladex have I seen? Wild mood swings, wild temperature changes, restlessness, lower mood, feeling down, just not the usual Shelly.

She even came back from work one night and cancelled date night at our favourite pub… she literally has never turned down the burger at this place. That’s when I know something is wrong!

And for me, well, it just makes everything…. A little… Bit…. Tense.

I can breathe funny and she goes from happy to pure hate, anger and aggression.

Like, you can see it, she actually wants to hit me… she doesn’t… well not properly anyway lol. Maybe we should get a punchbag.

The other day we were eating dinner and she kept looking at me with this glare. When I asked what was wrong… thinking I had some food on my face, or spilled something down me, she stared at me with these wide and eyes and said…

Your chewing is the most irritating thing I’ve ever heard! What’s wrong with you today!

I had quite literally no answer for it, I might have laughed, mainly because I didn’t know what else to do. I don’t think my chewing was any noisier than usual and she has never mentioned it before. I knew this was a zoladex moment, I laughed, and I turned my attention back to my food. I gave the comment no more attention than that.

Maybe zoladex heightens all your senses too! Perhaps her sense of hearing is even stronger.

She knows when she is having a bat shit crazy moment. She quite freely admits…

I am really angry right now, I don’t know why, I am just furious.

I make myself scarce for the next couple hours. Leave her to watch some Only Way Is Essex or Say Yes To The Dress and hope she calms down.

But it’s not just anger, it’s the whole array of emotions. She can can go from super happy to crying and not know why.

It’s also very difficult just in general, because it isn’t the normal Shelly, and I have to remind myself of that.

She can’t help it, I get it, and the fact that I can do nothing to help, stresses me out.

I am the let’s stay positive, lets laugh it off, kinda guy. But that approach doesn’t always go down well. In fact sometimes it goes down horribly!

And to be fair, I don’t just sit there and go.. Oh its ok that you called me a twat, your on zoladex. It doesn’t excuse her actions, but I am aware that she has much less control on her emotions. And I know for a fact she HATES that feeling of a lack of control.

If you know Shelly, she would like to be able to control the outcome on EVERYTHING if she could.

Like I said with the loud chewing incident, if I don’t give the ludicrous comment a seconds thought and don’t rise to it, or give it any attention and follow up, Shelly, normally, after a few minutes is back to normal.

And when I say I can do nothing to help, I obviously can’t rip the zoladex out of her body. I guess what I try and do is make sure the environment she is in keeps her in the best mood possible.

Sure that means accepting that I will wake up at 3am and be absolutely freezing and I look at Shelly who has thrown the covers and her clothes off, and pushed the windows wide open to let the cold air in.

But that is a tiny thing compared to what she is going through.

Not rising to her zoladex moments is tough, and I have failed miserably at not rising to those moments several times. Where we have ended up having a crazy argument and a shouting match over the most ludicrous things.

Knowing that she is putting herself through this, so that hopefully we can have a child makes me love her just a little bit more…if that was possible.

Yes I had to get some soppy stuff in there… did I just ruin it by saying that.. Crap. Oh well.

And I guess this is like when people say “We’re pregnant”…. No no SHE is pregnant.

I can’t really say we are going through this, because SHE is one that is suffering. I am here for the ride, I am here to support and do what I can to help her get through it.

There have been several moments, where she does something and I am like… Breathe…. That’s not the normal Shelly… thats the zoladex Shelly.

And that’s always important to remember.

Hopefully she will look back and go…. You know what… you really helped me get through it. Hopefully.

There’s part one, I’ll get to writing more in the near future.

P.S. I’ll try and keep my chewing noise down to a minimum in the future.

 

 

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4 Comments

  • Katie

    She’s amazing , and so are you Chris. Stay strong. Woolie Xxx

    February 20, 2018 at 6:40 pm Reply
  • Diana R

    This post has so much love in it, keep going Shelly u can do this. Chris keep up the good work too! Diana R xxx

    February 20, 2018 at 7:16 pm Reply
  • NCJ

    Fantastic write Chris. Your a UNIT a TEAM and you both got this xx

    February 21, 2018 at 6:59 pm Reply
  • Shelly

    Thank you girls x x

    February 22, 2018 at 3:23 pm Reply
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